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The Secret Equation Behind All Successful
Relationships.
By Sarah Ott and Robert Redman
Continued from page 1 Back to Page 1
2. The Sex Equation. The most frequent conversation Robert or I
have with friends goes something like this:
"I don't know what to do. I have been with this (man or woman) for 3
years and it's not going anywhere. I mean, not that it's about the sex,
but that's not great either. I mean, when we first got together,
she(he) wanted me all the time. Now, I always have to make the
moves. She's not interested. I love her, I really do. But we have sex
maybe once a month. Now, it's once in six months. I can't do without
sex. I'm not a monk. The worse thing is, when we talk about it, it gets
hot for awhile, then when she knows I'm not leaving, she starts the
old shut-down again. I can't take it."
So, the sex is out of balance. One wants it more. One feels neglected
by the other. The Other has lost interest in sex.
Does that mean you should stay in the relationship and give it time? Or
does that mean you should cut your losses and not invest another 3
months, 3 years, 20 years in the other.
The key to that answer lies in a test. The Minimum Maximum Test or
the Mini-Max, for short.
Let's say you need o have sex at least twice a month. That's your
bottom line. Anything less and you are climbing the walls. Let's say
your maximum is 3 times a week, that's 12 times a month on average.
Now, for your partner. Let's say his (her) minimum is 8. He needs it at
least twice a week. Anything less and he feels severely neglected.
Let's say his maximum is everyday, 30 times a month.
Now, let's compare you two. Your minimum is 2 and his minimum is 8.
So you two will have sex at least twice a month but if it's only twice,
you will be happy and he will be miserable. So, let's look at your
respective maximums. Your maximum is 12. Aha, your maximum
satisfies his minimum, so there's enough overlap.
The result. You will be compatible as long as you have sex at least 8
times a month (his minimum) but not more than 12 times a month
(your maximum).
Here's the equation. Decide who likes sex more. Let's call that partner
Lusty. Let's call the other partner Bashful.
Bashful's Maximum must be a bigger number than Lusty's Minimum
for them to be compatible.
That's the Mini-Max sex equation. Try it out with your partner. Each of
you should write down your Minimum and your Maximum. Then decide
who is Lusty and who is Bashful. Then compare the numbers and see if
your numbers satisfy the Mini-Max equation. Remember, Bashful's
maximum must be bigger than Lusty's minimum.
The next equation is something most people never think about but it is
vitally important.
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