| THE BEST MEDICINEf- LAUGH! FIRST DOSE There are always two ways to look at everything, I guess. My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion last October, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife noticed me staring and asked me, "Do you know her?". "Yes", I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" Got a Joke? E-mail it to us: frontpage@collectivewizdom .com |
| THE BEST MEDICINE- LAUGH! SECOND DOSE Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine |
Top 10 New Year's Resolutions
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May 12, 2008, last updated December 28, 2011
By Sam Garvino, Associate Editor and Featured Columnist
When I was little, I used to make wishes. Sounds like the
kind of thing that can get you committed to a mental hospital
these days, right? But, in the innocence of childhood, before
the age of sarcasm and cynicism, I used to do it all the time.
Especially at night, right before I went to sleep. And I never
really kept track of which wishes came true but I guess
enough of them did, because I kept right on wishing and
wishing. That is, until I grew up.
Then, wishes gave way to dreams. Dreams gave way to plans
--- "5-year plans", "10-year plans", plans gave way to
"goals". Dreams, plans and goals -- I guess they have their
place, but they still lack something when I compare them to
simple wishes. Why is that? I guess because wishes are
inspired by the sweet breath of innocence.
This year, I am going to start wishing again. Dreams and
goals haven't done much for us anyway.
Top 10 Wishes for the New Year
1. I wish that everybody who reads this starts wishing.
2. I wish you health.
3. I wish that there were no hungry children anywhere in the
world. Kids didn't ask to be brought to this world. The least
we can do is feed them.
4. I wish politicians were all called "administrators" or
"number one servant" instead of "leaders" or "presidents" or
anything glorious. For all they really are administrators of
our common wealth and servants of the people. Or at least
that's what they're supposed to be. Maybe if we strip off all
the glorious titles, we'll start attracting the right kind of
people to the top jobs, those with humility and public service
in their hearts, instead of personal aggrandizement.
5. I wish I were 20 pounds thinner.
6. I wish I had the muscles now that I had when I was
younger.
7. I wish people would say "thank you" twice as much as
they cursed or wished harm or ill-will towards someone else.
Sort of a two-for-one deal. Two good thoughts for one bad
one.
8. I wish any politician who broke a promise after they were
elected had to give back all their salary to the people. That
would kind of increase the incentives for truth, you think?
For the politicians who were rich before they got elected, and
therefore who would have no incentive to give back a salary,
we could make them pay a lump sum, maybe 40% of their
net worth.
9. I wish people would take better care of themselves. This is
important not just for them but for me and everyone else.
For people who take care of themselves tend to like
themselves. And people who like themselves tend to be more
generous towards the world in general. They're easier to get
along with. They don't want to screw up the planet for
everybody else. They make better co-workers, lovers,
spouses, parents, fellow planet-dwellers.
10. You might have noticed that I only have 9 wishes so far.
My 10th wish is a blank one. I wish you would send these 10
wishes to the people you love, or just any person whom you
wish well, so they too will start wishing again, and get this
whole "wishing energy" started around the world. Who
knows? It might just work.
More Resources
Diet and Exercise -A Simple Plan for Life
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How Muscles Actually Help You Heal and Slow Aging
Bowel Colors-What Do They Mean?
Personal Heart Attack Stories
Sugar-The Disease Connection
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