Why Men Leave --Ten More Signs He's Going
To Leave You.
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by Sarah Ott
In response to my previous column, I have received many e-mails
from women who want to know if there are any other signs that he's
going to leave you. They also want to know signs to answer the
classic question--is he cheating? Unfortunately, I can give you signs
from personal experience as well as the experiences of my many
girlfriends.
Here then, for all the other women who don't see it coming, are the
Ten More Signs That He's Going to Leave You.
1. Withdrawal. The clearest sign, according to marriage studies, that
a man is going to leave you is his withdrawal from interaction. Most
people think that constant fighting is a sign he'll leave. But it's not. If
he's fighting, he's still in the battle. If he's eerily quiet, even though
you want him to fight, he's not in the battle. Because the battle is over.
And so is the war.
When he stops fighting, and gets real quiet, he's making his plans.
2. Long-term Plans Suddenly Change. Say you and he have always
talked about one day, after the kids are raised, taking a trip to the
Grand Canyon. Or Tahiti. Or wherever. And, then, one day, you
mention Tahiti, and he doesn't smile or join in. That's a sign. His mind
may be on Tahiti. But when he forms a mind picture of Tahiti--you're
not in it.
3. Reproductive Decisions Change. Let's say, you want children. Or
say, you never want to have children. And you and he have agreed on
this. But then he for some reason seems reluctant to talk about your
joint decision of what your family will look like. That's a major league
bad sign. If a man reverses himself on what you thought you and he
had agreed upon about children--watch out. See, Jennifer Aniston
didn't see it coming. Brad Pitt wanted children. She wanted to wait.
Brad Pitt got his children. But not with Jennifer.
4. Money. Everybody fights about money. No problem. The bad sign
occurs if you find out that he has hidden something significant about
his pile of money. Or if he is no longer contributing the same amount
to your household. Disappearing money is going somewhere.
Somewhere bad for you.
5. An Affair of a Certain Type. Men have affairs sometimes. Women
have affairs sometimes. But no one will necessarily leave the
marriage unless it is a certain type of affair. That type is an affair with
a woman who also can make him a home more comfortable than your
home. Truth is, most men love structure. They love the structure of a
home. I don't care how good she looks or how hot the sex is, if she is
living in a dump, she can't cook ---sorry, sexist but true---he's not
leaving you for her. He may keep her on the side but he's not leaving.
Men like to slide into a nice, comfortable structured food-and-roof
situation. The only exception is if they are both extremely wealthy.
6. Kids Are Growing Up. If he's been staying with you for the sake of
the kids ---and you know plenty of you have these situations --then
watch out when Little Johnny gets ready to go to college. Because just
as Little Johnny may be starting his new life, Daddy may be starting
his new life too.
7. The Ultimate Vacation. A woman I know told me her husband asked
her for a divorce. Not after a fight. But after they had come back from
what she thought was their dream vacation with the best sex they had
ever had. It turns out, that many men who know they are going to
leave, plan one last big, hoorah. What was that song--Let's Just Kiss
and Say Goodbye. They often have Good-bye Sex --the best sex
ever--before they exit the door. Thank you, mam.
8. His Friends Treat You Differently. Ladies, most men, contrary to
popular belief, blab everything to their buddies. It's 100% sure that
his best buds will know your marriage is over before you do. So, if
they suddenly drop the social courtesies, change the tone of voice,
watch out.
9. Payroll Deductions. If you find on his pay stub any change in
deductions you have not discussed, that's a bad sign. A man planning
to leave you may change his deductions, so he can increase his cash
flow, in anticipation of reduced family income or just to tie himself
over in case you out him out. He may also change the beneficiaries on
his insurance or his pension. Watch out.
10. His Mother. Some men start distancing you from their mothers, in
an effort to wean her off you before the Break. He may break it off
suddenly with you but chances are, he will tell his mother something
ahead of time, to soften the blow. Less baggage, my dear.
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